Are you feeling stuck?

About two weeks ago I noticed my computer was ‘losing’ files. Something wasn’t right, so I sought help from the Apple store. The person helping me, tells me that in order to fix the problem he should wipe my computer and then I can reinstall everything and when I reluctantly agree, asks if I backed the computer up. I proudly say yes, as I lift my external hard drive in my hand.

The next moment, I get home plug in the computer and external hard drive to find out there is no backup. Something had gone wrong: I hadn’t been backing up properly all along. Not one single file is left. I am not one of the tidiest people but I did pride myself on a great filing system able to find my files quite easily. Business documents, client files, letters to loved ones, lists of plants to buy for my small terrace, EVERYTHING is gone!

Since then, I haven’t been sleeping very well. I worry about the future all the time. I am finding it hard to focus and have also gone into my favourite stress mode: inaction, paralysis, passivity--you name it.

I am stuck.

On top of that, I can feel my heart racing on and off during the day and night and most of the time I feel sick to my stomach. And of course, everybody I talk to has the solution: ‘Make sure you check your backups in the future’; ‘I use dropbox’; ‘Are you sure that a tech genius can’t somehow find your files back?’ etc. Trust me I have thought of it all myself. I have been beating myself up for not checking, for not having a second back up system in case something like this happened, I have felt sorry for myself, and much more, but that doesn’t help me get unstuck.

It’s clear that my stress response is being triggered. Not sleeping well, heart beat up, trouble concentrating, with the mind buzzing around blaming myself, analyzing, feeling angry, sad and worried at the same time. Even as I write this, I feel my heart rate go up and my heart thumping into my chest. And, let’s not forget, I am totally stuck. Unable to be productive in a significant way.

What have I done, what am doing and will do to get myself out of this inertia?

First of all, lick my wounds. Allow myself to feel and experience whatever it is that comes up and try not to judge myself too harshly. I have a tendency to trivialize whatever happens to me by comparing myself to others who have it worse or by focusing on politics and topics like climate change. All worthy, but it does brush my experience under the carpet and therefore isn’t helpful to getting unstuck.

I have, therefore, allowed myself to be stuck, I have accepted not sleeping enough hours and gone with the flow whilst maintaining the rhythm of waking up at the usual time and I have allowed myself to potter around aimlessly. Though I have wanted to meditate as I know that this practice always helps me, I haven’t been able to do it and I have accepted that.

My friend reminded me to also forgive myself through repeating it out loud.

This basically encompasses my first step towards getting back on track: acceptance of what has happened and what is going on in me, and crucially, being aware of it all.

I have also taken responsibility for myself and have started to let go of what is the responsibility of others.

I have worked on reframing what happened by writing it down, and spending some time understanding what l can take from and what can come out of this experience. For sure it has taught me that I need to spend some time building a more robust backup system, but it also has taught me how I have to rely on my instincts more, as I didn’t feel 100% comfortable when the computer assistant told me he would need to wipe my computer clean. I hear you think: ‘well who would?’. But it was a different feeling, more like a foreboding.

The next steps I will choose to get unstuck will be to continue trying to meditate; writing a list of how and what needs to happen to build a new filing system; physically moving; and reaching out to ask for support and being in relation with people with whom I have an energizing relationship. All this in the knowledge that there will be ups and downs along the way and that this process is more circular than linear.

Have you ever experienced this feeling of ‘stuckness’? Where you just can't seem to get your mojo back. How have you been able to get yourself out of it? What do you find the least helpful from people in such a situation? I would love to hear from you.

There are many methods and different people have different preferred ways to get unstuck. If all else fails or you feel the need for extra help consider seeking a professional coach.

If you would like to focus on getting ‘unstuck’ within a group setting please check out my upcoming 6-week Radically Reconnect programme starting on the 1st of October. In this programme you identify your personal focus of attention and work with it for 6 weeks to find a way forward.

If you’re curious, you can reserve your space now. For questions or individual coaching please contact me.